Narcissism and Low Self Esteem

Narcissism or what many acknowledge colloquially as somebody with a "big ego" is, in my view, a weakly understood phenomenon. Although it is both reviled and at times revered it's existence in an person cruelly incapacitates them in several areas of their life. Unfortunately such individuals are not easy to assist because one of the main aspects of their condition involves the unfathomable defense of denial. Denial of what you may well ask?

In order to understand this denial it is useful to first look at the nature of the narcissistic state in the first place. This is generally characterized by attempts at self aggrandizement that are blatant to all but the individual themselves. The need for self aggrandizement, or to "prop up one's ego" is largely an effort to support what is felt to be a fragile ego. This fragility also equates to feelings of extremely low self esteem and poor self image.

In other words, the narcissistic individual presents to others and attempts to "prop up" a self image that is exaggerated yet weak. Interestingly, others are often seduced into believing that the individual in question is indeed very impressive, confident and ironically the embodiment of success when the case is much the reverse. Unfortunately this seduction has led many such individuals into places of power and authority to the detriment of those around them.

The denial mentioned above relates to the narcissistic individual's inability to recognize, feel, accept and therefore begin to address constructively the weakness or fragility they are experiencing within. The degree of denial is often commensurate with the intensity of the fragility felt within.

At the core of the fragility are feelings of emptiness, and often a deep fear of annihilation which haunts the individual at every turn. The need to distract one's self from such feelings drives the self aggrandizing compensatory behaviors that others witness and call narcissistic behaviors. So what causes such a deep feelings of void at the core of these individuals and what can be done to remedy the situation?

This is where I diverge from commonly held views about how to understand this problem but I ask, if you wish, to follow it to see if it resonates with you.

I will use a metaphor. Suppose you are driving your car down the highway at 60 mph and all of a sudden you said to your car, "OK this is where I get off" and you suddenly opened the car door and jumped out.

If your car had feelings, how do you think it would feel? Well, because you are (were) the "life force" of that car and you are no longer in it, it will feel panic stricken because it knows that without you in it, its fate is to crash and burn. In other words your car will feel "empty" and "vulnerable" without you in it.

Now let me get to the point. In the case of the narcissistic state I would translate and make the car your "mind and body" and the driver your "life force energy" (or you). So how would your mind and body feel without you (or your life force energy) in it? Well "empty and vulnerable", exactly what the narcissistic individual feels.

In truth, all individuals actually can connect to a feeling of emptiness inside although not all will attempt to deal with it in a narcissistic (i.e. self aggrandizing) manner.

The emptiness is the result of there being a separation or depletion of one's life force energy from the mind/body in every individual on this planet. This separation is the result of the fact that we are all "dying" because that's what it means to be dying i.e. to have some of your life force energy depleted from the mind body.

What's more this depletion is actually the result of the cumulative stored negative memories that one carries within the unconscious. You can see this directly by focusing on the effect that such memories have on your energy (i.e. felt as tiredness or heaviness which equates to a depletion of life force energy).

It is now possible to recover one's life force energy i.e. re-integrate life force with the mind/body in such a way that the bareness can be filled permanently for you as well as for narcissistic individuals.