Relationship Conflict: Why do Men Go Quiet?

So many women have raised the complaint: "When I feel like a fight, he just goes quiet. What's wrong with him?" Many women see it as a lack of willingness to communicate, and will even use this in future arguments. The fact of the matter is that men and women view conflict differently.

Women have the ability to detach themselves emotionally during an argument. The focus is on the argument itself, and everything else just has to take a back seat. They expect their partners to reciprocate, and become upset if it does not happen. From a woman's point of view, an argument is just that: An argument. Nothing more, and nothing less.

Unfortunately, from a male point of view, it is very different. Seen from a natural point of view (look at the animal kingdom for many examples) any conflict has the potential to escalate into violence. Any fight that involves screaming and verbal abuse, is (from a natural point of view) bordering on the edge of violence.

When your partner "closes up", or "stonewalls", and goes quiet, it is a natural safety mechanism kicking in. Instead of getting drawn into conflict that could become violent, he withdraws, hoping to remove the fuel from the fire. Getting physical with a woman is not on, so instead of running the risk of emotions getting out of hand, he shuts himself off.

So if the man in your life goes quiet when you want to fight, be grateful. You may be robbed of a "good" argument, but you may very well be spared a physical conflict. Think of it this way: Have you ever seen two men screaming at each other without the threat of physical violence being present? The fact that he is not allowed to get physical with you is what is stopping him from a heated argument in the first place.