Hands Free Telephone

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Resolved Question: Do you like these jokes?
They're a little long but it's worth it all! Feel free to star me, I've never had a star! Rate each one from 1-10 please! And you can tell me a joke also! Best joke wins!! (or the answer I like best): 1A man is driving along the motorway with his wife in the passenger seat. During the drive, the wife gets an idea. She starts taking off her clothing piece by piece and tossing them out the window. The guy is shocked but aroused. She gets her shoes, socks, etc. and chucks them out. Finally, she whips her underwear off and throws it all out onto the motorway. The guy is laughing and leering at her. He looses control of the car in the process and crashes into a barrier at the side. Unfortunately, the air-bag doesn't go off on his side, and he finds himself wedged in under the steering wheel. "Help, go get help......aggghhhh, I'm stuck", he shouts. "But I have no clothes on. What'll I do ?", she screams. "Here", he says wiggling his foot, "Take my shoe and put it over your crotch. It'll have to do, love. Quick, hurry!" She takes the shoe off his foot and places it over her crotch and gets out of the car, limping and shouting for help. After a few hundred yards of yelling and running a trucker notices this naked hysterical woman holding a shoe over her crotch, and pulls over. "What's seems to be the trouble?", he asks. "Help me", she screams, "My husband is stuck". "If he's stuck up that far I'm afraid I can't help you." and 2One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blind folded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and 3Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" and 4A girls first time As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an ease entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surge (continued) throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience. You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled. I hope you like it! Your Friend- ~Mez (sory about the additional comments, nothing fit!) read more...

Voting Question: Will the Michelle Obama Tape Break?
API is now claiming that the deal to air the tape is finalized. FOX News will air it â€œany day now.â€ A lot of bloggers, including myself have been suspicious of this claim because of the way it seems to have dragged on for weeks with little hard proof. However I did contact Mr. Korir myself and he assured me the tapes are real and the airing of them will take place. I suppose weâ€™ll know this week one way or the other. Today, API is upping the ante again, claiming that they were contacted by Obamaâ€™s campaign with an offer of $3 million dollars for the tapes. If true, this would certainly be the end of Obama: Obamaâ€™s campaign manager contacted API by telephone and email offering 3 million US dollars followed with a request to API to cancel the deal with Fox News Network. Ten days ago API received the first request to accept 2 million US dollars by Mr Ed Hale, President of Plains Radio, Texas - USA, in an effort to suppress the information from reaching the public before the coming US Presidential elections. API has now taken a decision to contact the American Embassy in Oslo, Norway as soon as possible in order to report the matter and hand over the evidence for investigative purposes. APIâ€™s Canadian lawyer is expected to fly to Oslo shortly in order to assist in the legal matters that arise from the bribery attempt. Less than a week to go and we are just now managing to pry some damaging information on Obama out of the hands of the media. Letâ€™s face it. If this tape, plus the Rashid Khalidi tape get on television this week, the MSM monopoly will be broken. Obama will lose. If the MSM holds the line against the truth getting out, Obama will win (and the free press will lose). read more...

Everyone has to carry a cell phone in this day and age. Now stop for a minute to think about this. Do you ever go out and about without your cellular telephone? Naturally I'm not saying that this is a bad thing. However, sometimes cell phones can pose certain problems. Yeah, that's right! You've seen the countless individuals who chat regularly on the phone while cruising down the highway. Obviously this is not a very safe way to chat it up with friends and family. Imagine how distracting it is to talk on the phone while driving down the road with oodles of traffic around you. Anything could happen. What many of these cell phone lovers should consider for the future is a hands free telephone. These will soon become all the rage.

When was the last time you were driving to work and fumbling aimlessly with your cell phone. Don't feel embarrassed about it! You are not the only one by any means. In fact, if you take a drive right now, you will likely spot tons of people chatting on cell phones like it's no big distraction. Unfortunately it is!

First of all, you have to hold the telephone to your ear while driving and managing the steering wheel. Then there are all the other distractions to add into the equation. There's food, coffee and navigation systems. A simple and convenient alternative would be a hands free telephone that allows you to chat, but without the fumbling.

If you are currently seeking out a hands free telephone to suit your chatting needs, then you won't have to look far. Try out Circuit City or Best Buy to take a peek at all the latest hands free telephones on the market these days. These telephones come in a variety of shapes and sizes and as you probably already guessed, the prices of hands free telephones varies depending on the brand name and model. Isn't it time you played it safe with a hands free cell phone. Start shopping around for yours today!